The scene opens in dramatic fashion. Your eyes are fixated on the television while you slowly sip your Tab soda (which is gross because I am pretty sure they don’t make those anymore). An actor opens their mouth on screen and says the DUMBEST thing you’ve ever heard! WHOA HOLD ON!
Hit the brakes people… I just choked on my out of date soda and now I must rewind to see that again.
I lived this scenario recently while rewatching Masters of the Universe, yes the He-Man movie with Courtney Cox and Dolph Lundgren, and it got me thinking. What is the worst line I’ve heard in a movie? THIS movie is a contender against a couple gems from Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead. Now let me be clear, there are a lot of bad lines out there but they usually belong to equally bad movies. They don’t take you out of the movie and turn it from trash to a dumpster fire. These garbage elevating lines of dialogue are the focus. So lets evaluate.
|Skeletor vs Macgver|
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE:
The movie that got me thinking on this subject. Also you should note, He-Man being terrible at hiding. Watch the movie… he has a huge gun sticking out from behind a pillar. The mans a ninja.
Kevin: They came for the cosmic key, but I didn’t have it!
He-Man: Ok Kevin… but did they TAKE it?
My view: Hmm… so the fate of the world is in your hands? I am officially scared, because you are the hero and you cannot pay attention to a two second conversation! He JUST said he didn’t have it. Get focused He-Man otherwise you can kiss Earth and Eternia goodbye. Seriously.
HOUSE OF THE DEAD:
Not a great movie… at all. But it was entertaining to watch. There were just a couple 4th wall breaking terrible lines that made me shoot Coke out of my nose (the drink, calm down mom).
Forgettable Female Character: Why do you want to be immortal?!
Forgettable Zombie Bad Guy: So I can live FOREVER!
My view: Wait… hold on. THAT’S why? *phew* That makes a lot of sense. Here I am thinking it was for something else. Does it need to be said?! Who wrote this?!
*Honorable Mention from HOUSE OF THE DEAD:
Some Guy: We finally made it to the boat… but the boat wasn’t there!
My view: So then that means you made it to the dock… you cant make it to the boat if its not there. Its impossible. I walked outside and made it to the Radio City Music Hall but it wasn’t there… *cold stare*
Now as frustrating as these lines are… I would TOTALLY watch these movies again. These are the ultimate “grab a pizza, a couple drinks, invite some friends and have a heck of a time” movies. Does the world need a ton of terrible films that are poorly written, acted and directed? NO! It doesn’t. But a few never killed anyone, just make sure you can laugh at your poor rental choice.
If you have a favorite bad movie line or moment be sure to share with us in the comments below! Have fun and remember…